Kick Arse Way To Enlightenment

Archive for December, 2009

Instant Gratification.. Are bad relationships like Starbucks?

I was pondering over the thought of instant gratification the other day after a conversation with a friend of mine.  As anyone finds themselves at some point in their life, she is looking for The One.

Listening to her it made me think about what attracts us to our partners.  Most of the time we’ll fall into relationships, and into bed, with people all too quickly because there is something intense, some rush, some attraction, some spark, later to find that we shouldn’t have been so quick to drop our pants and bear our souls to that individual.  Whereas, the people that we aren’t attracted to, the normal, safe, more down to earth people, we often cross off on the first date.

I was likening it to a sugar high.  Myself I have a weakness for Starbucks, my only vice   And to get that quick buzz, that boost of energy, I’ll often find myself in the queue, card in hand, Mocha Frappuccino nicely nestled in the other.  Mmm, mmm.  Sugar high seeping through my veins, then slowly comes the crash…..  Need another, after a few days of this I find it hard to sleep.  I know I need to stop yet it tastes so good!  It costs me not only money, but also my health, my equilibrium, and I know all the staff on first name terms which is deeply humiliating…

Now, if I was being sensible, I would know that real energy, like real love, takes time.  I may have to go through the bad feelings of withdrawal from the sugar buzz, I may have to face my lack of energy, tiredness, maybe even boredom, the feelings I’m trying to hide from.  I would have to get off my arse and do some exercise and follow a healthy diet that didn’t involve the local coffee franchise

Now imagine if we applied that rule to our dating lives.

We could go for the partners that give us that rush, that excitement, that buzz.  Fall straight into bed with them, maybe fall straight in love, (we think), but soon enough find ourselves crashing out after the initial high, left with a nasty taste in our mouths, dazed and confused, wondering what we ever saw in the person.

Or we could do it the hard way.

Step off the wagon of intense, short lived relationships.  Face the feelings we have been hiding from, loneliness, lack of self esteem, boredom, unhappiness with our lives, maybe we’ve even been hiding from ourselves. Go through the withdrawal.  Follow a diet of healthy self esteem, get off our arses and do something with our lives that makes us feel complete and fulfilled. Be at peace.

This would take some time and initially it would be hard.  But in the long run, it would pay off…..

And if or when Mr or Mrs Right did come along, we would be so happy with ourselves and our lives, we wouldn’t be needing the same intense high, we would be happy for that feeling to grow with someone as we move deeper into genuinely discovering more about the person and about ourselves….